How to Discuss Becoming a Surrogate with Your Children

Being a gestational surrogate is a selfless act and a tremendously rewarding experience. It's also a journey that impacts your family.

Once you've decided to become a surrogate mother, it's crucial to discuss surrogacy with your children so they can understand the process and provide you with the love and support you need.

Take these tips into consideration when you discuss becoming a surrogate with your children:

Start Early On

Introducing the idea of surrogacy to your children early on is one of the best ways to help them understand your upcoming journey before it begins.

Involving your children in your decision early in the process will help to ease any potential jealous, fear, or confusion they may feel about your choice to become a surrogate. 

Giving your children ample time to ask questions and understand your decision is crucial. Your kids will come to you with countless questions about what exactly surrogacy is and what it means for your family. Help them get comfortable with the idea of their mom carrying a baby for another family.

Children often need a little bit of time to process and comprehend that surrogacy means the baby you are carrying will not be a sibling for them. Introducing the subject of surrogacy early on creates an open dialogue about the experience and will help your children to understand and accept your exciting, upcoming journey.

Be Honest

Your children might struggle to understand why you would choose to have another baby who will not be a part of the family.

Be honest and transparent with your kids regarding why you've made this empowering, fulfilling decision. Explain to them who the Intended Parents are and how your selflessness will help them to complete their family.

The more honest you are, the easier it will be for your children to better understand, accept, and adjust to your surrogacy.

Expect Questions

Ever curious and honest, your children might surprise you with their questions about your choice to be a gestational surrogate. Encouraging all queries and answering them with empathy and honesty is the key to helping your children better understand and accept your decision and how it will affect them.  

Keep in mind that this will be a big change for your children as well. They're being asked to not only understand why the baby won't be their new sibling, but to also share your attention and energy during the pregnancy. That's a tall order for a child.

Be sure to validate their concerns and take the time to help them understand:

• Why you are doing this
• Why it's okay
• Why it's a rewarding experience for everyone involved

At the end of the day, all children want is to love their parents and be loved in return. Practicing honesty and empathy while your children process your choice will allow them to better adjust to the situation and provide you the support and love you need during your surrogacy.

Accept That It May Take Time

Your children might struggle with your decision at first. This is expected and perfectly normal.

Depending on their age, comprehending why you will be carrying another family's baby may not be easy at first. If your children are struggling to accept your choice, continue to be honest with them, maintain an open dialogue, and continue to answer all questions they may have with care, love, and understanding.

Introduce Them to the Intended Parents

Consider introducing your children to the Intended Parents. Meeting the family you're helping to create (either in person or via FaceTime) might help your children to grasp the deeper meaning of your choice.

Once they meet, your kids are likely to better understand why you like the family so much and why you are willing to carry a baby for them. If they're comfortable, have the Intended Parents explain to your children that they cannot have a baby without your help.

Each family is unique, and a mother knows their children better than anyone else, so you may choose to opt for a different approach.

Begin Your Journey with Love & Support

Involving your children in your surrogacy early on and creating an open dialogue will help them to adjust to your choice with greater ease, understanding, and acceptance.

With the love, understanding, and support of your family, you will be ready to take the journey of a lifetime.