How to Match with Intended Parents Whose Values Align with Yours

As a surrogate, one of the most important steps you will take on your journey is matching with your Intended Parents. During this stage, it is essential to ensure that your values are aligned with those of your Intended Parents to allow for the most seamless and successful journey possible.

Here are some surefire ways to ensure that you and your Intended Parents share the same mindset for the journey ahead.

Establish Your Goals

First and foremost, you must develop a clear sense of what your goals are for your pregnancy and for the surrogacy journey as a whole. These goals can include anything from your personal motivation for becoming a surrogate to the types of Intended Parents you wish to work with. Maybe you would like to work with an individual who was not able to conceive on their own, or perhaps your goal is to help a same-sex couple build the family they have always wanted.

Goals are personal and highly individualized, varying greatly from person to person. However, regardless of what your unique objectives are for the surrogacy journey, the most important thing is that you share them with your Intended Parents.

Determine Your Views on Sensitive Issues

Before you can assess where prospective Intended Parents stand on sensitive issues regarding the surrogacy journey, first, you must clearly define your views. Now is the time to ask yourself any critical questions that may arise throughout your surrogacy journey.

Some important topics to consider are:

• How many cycles are you comfortable doing?
• Are you willing to carry multiples?
• What is your stance on selective reduction and/or termination?
• How much communication would you like to have before a pregnancy is established, throughout the pregnancy, and after the birth?

Determining the answers to these types of questions will serve as a great starting point, and will likely cause you to consider other issues that are important to you as well. Do your best to think through as many scenarios as you can while considering potential matches with Intended Parents. The more you can lay the groundwork before you begin, the more likely you are to avoid confusion, discomfort, or discord down the road.  

It is also a good practice to determine what your non-negotiables are, if any, as well as situations that you are willing to be more flexible on. Having this knowledge upfront will prepare you for when you first meet with prospective Intended Parents.

Communicate Your Feelings During the First Meeting

After you've determined your stances on these important issues, you should share this information at your first meeting with prospective Intended Parents. It's a valuable opportunity for you to meet face to face with them and share your thoughts about the surrogacy process.

This meeting should be an open forum for both parties to discuss what is on their minds in a comfortable environment and will help determine if everyone is on the same page before moving forward with a match.

Then, once you have found Intended Parents whose values and goals align with yours, you will be well on your way to a successful surrogacy journey ahead!